We are open 9:00 am – 6:00 pm Mon – Sat,

9:30 am – 1:00 pm Sundays and Bank Holidays.

Open 365 days a year.

We all know that great humour can be found in those wonderful pets of ours. This page is dedicated to some of the finest pet humour we have found. We would welcome any pics or jokes that you feel would be suitable – please e-mail them to us and we will include them.

Jesus is watching you…

One night a burglar breaks into a house when its owners are asleep.baby_and_puppy_large

He’s lifting the TV to put in his bag when he hears a disembodied voice saying…

“Jesus is watching you”

The burglar shines his light all over the room but is unable to find the source of the voice, so he attributes it to nerves, and carries on.

As he is disconnecting the stereo wires, he hears the same voice….

“Jesus is watching you”

He looks around the room again, and spots a parrot sitting in the corner…

“Did you say that?” he asks;

“Yup,” the parrot admits,” I was just trying to warn you, Jesus is watching.”

“Ha!” the burglar snorts” who are you, to warn me?!”

“Well,” the parrot says, “My name is Moses.”

“Moses! What kind of people name a parrot Moses?”

“Probably the same kind of people who name a Rottweiller Jesus.”

(Author unkown)

dalmation_kittens_largeHow many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Afghan: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And he’ll rewire the house while he’s at it.

Italian Greyhound: I can’t reach the stupid lamp!

Poodle: Sorry, just had my nails done.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?

Malamute: Let him do it, you can pet me while he’s busy.

Springer: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Shiba-Inu: Zero! Shibas aren’t afraid of the dark!

Collie: No, don’t change it. If it’s dark, maybe no one will see me sleeping on the couch.

Cocker: Why change it. It isn’t hurting anyone and I am just as loving in the dark.

Chinese Crested: I can put it in, I can jump and spin !!!!

Does your dog bite? kitty

A man is strolling through the park and sees a guy sitting on a park bench with a great big dog sitting next to him. The man goes up to the bench sitter and says, “Does your dog bite?” The Bench sitter says, “No, he doesn’t.”

So, the man reaches out to pet the dog and it practically bites his arm off.

As he stands there bleeding, he says,

“I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!!!”

Bench sitter—“That’s not my dog.”

caught_in_the_actA woman goes to the vet.

She says, “Doctor, I think there’s something wrong with my dog. He hasn’t moved all day.” The vet examines the dog and says, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid your dog is dead.”

“Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he’s dead?

Isn’t there some other test you can run?”

The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the case and a large cat emerges. The cat plods over to the dog and sniffs around its head. It then circles the dog, sniffing and poking around. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.

“Well,” says the vet, “that pretty much proves it. He’s dead.”

“I guess you’re right,” says the woman, now coming to grips with what happened. “At least you did your best. How much do I owe you?”


“£230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead.

What did you do that costs £230?”

“Well it’s £30 for the office visit,” says the vet, “and £200 for the cat scan.”


  • All diets catered for
  • Twenty-four hour a day care
  • Heated electric dog beds
  • Large grass dog exercise area
  • Accommodation exceeds E.U. requirements
  • 46 large indoor dog kennels each with individual outdoor run
  • Dog and cat areas separated by a visual and acoustic
  • Extra-large cat pens for two or more cats from the same family
  • and Large heated cat pens each with individual outdoor run and sneeze-proof barriers


  • Our Kennels are located in Swallows Cross, Brentwood